The mantra ‘location, location, location’ often concerns buying a house, but some owners would benefit from applying it to their photography.

Should one, for instance, locate the camera in front of a fossilised garden chair? An overflowing ashtray? An elderly relative hustling out of shot? Has thought been spared for the location of that dirty underwear? Those psychedelic curtains? What’s going on with these terrible property photos?

Out of touch with reality, less Rankin and more plain rank, some of the worst offenders should consider relocating to another industry.

Luckily for us, they haven’t yet.

The mystifying property photographs gathered here are an endless source of confusion, confusion, confusion, frustration, frustration, frustration and, perversely, satisfaction, satisfaction, satisfaction.

Here’s our latest collection of the most baffling, terrible property photos ever recovered from the depths of the internet.

If the 1870s had happened in the 1980s.
In this version, the Princess pricks her finger, orders some bleach, packs her books, and moves out.
OK then. Perhaps you could let us know when the actual room gets here.
Local man admits running an illegal workshop making nightmares and panic attacks.
Keeping Up with the Trumps didn’t make it past the pilot episode.
Interior design influencers are already predicting a strong year for images of dogs printed on a towel hung over the only window in a wooden room.
“You’re welcome, honey. I also got the Tom Selleck bath towels.”
Upstairs gets pretty messy in the fall.
Spice up your morning with an unexpected trip to the ground floor.
The guest bedroom allows direct access to your troubled childhood.
Don’t be fooled by the bunting.
This is Feng Shui for “we haven’t had a visitor since 2007″.
As the foliage grew in strength and numbers, the cushions made plans to reclaim the ground floor on behalf of all the soft furnishings.
Lockdown business opportunity: Trampoline helmets.
As he listened to them driving away, George realised it wasn’t a real game of hide and seek.
The sun will set, and the demons of the night will rise. Until then, the vacuum cleaner sleeps a dreamless sleep.
Ideal for those of you with a speedy metabolism.
The current owners have thoroughly enjoyed the slow death of the remaining pot-plants
You can have storage, or you can have a bathroom. You can’t have both.
This property comes with a frisky middle-aged woman and half a bottle of chardonnay.
When it came to selling their house, Slipknot’s decision to manage their own viewings was somewhat ill-advised and unsuccessful. Thanks to everyone who submitted this property in Magill, South Australia, expected to fetch around $250,000 plus your soul.
The plastic sheeting is for the vomit caused by the migraine caused by everything else.
The music drowns out the washing machine, which drowns out the toilet, which helps you forget about the mirrors.
As Greg awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a black gym ball.
Like a circle in a spiral. Like a wheel within a wheel. Like a toilet in a shower, in a kitchen, with hanging space for clothes, and a portable radiator.
So we have this fireplace to store our firewood for the fire we don’t have.
“Anyone thinking of trying Rachmaninov’s 2nd, forget it. I’m not in the mood.”
As word spreads of an open back door, the furniture and appliances make a desperate bid for freedom.
Off-street parking.
“It’s odd,” thought Rex. “Usually, when they go to the shops, they don’t take all the furniture with them.”
If you were crudely rendered in mosaic on a bathroom wall, you’d be pretty mad too.
If you were crudely rendered in mosaic on a bathroom wall, you’d be pretty mad too.
The Garden Chairs of Solitude knew this might be their only chance of escape. Quietly they awaited the signal from their contact on the Outside.
“Honey, I found the perfect place for our wall-mounted naked limbless gender-neutral toddler dolls.”
I love exercise. I could lay in bed and watch it all day.
A total eclipse of the thumb.
I’m not suggesting it’s inauthentic, but did Henry VIII definitely have a weights bench?
One way to make sure your Christmas lights make the local news.
“Y’know, our new neighbours never wave back.”
It’s a tale of unrequited love between a Garden Chair of Solitude and a Park Ranger who promised to return but never did.
All it needs is a coat of paint, some air freshener, and perhaps a direct hit from a short-range ballistic missile.
Shame of Thrones.
A rare opportunity to acquire a sacrificial dungeon simply bursting with original features.
“Yes, it’s an emergency! How quickly can you get here?”
To save on moving costs, this property is also available as a .jpg or .pdf.
“You’ll never guess what I just passed on the stairs…”
Not yet, Bernard. Feeding time isn’t until 6.30 pm.
Humanity’s confidence in the strength and versatility of kitchen roll is finally to be tested.
“So, thanks for applying for the role of Garden Chair of Solitude. It says here you have experience with patios?”
That’s one way to drown out the noise.
Awful real estate images
At 4 metres high, Titan is one of our largest and most impressive toilets.
Awful real estate images
2018 is already being described as the year home-made oversized pharmaceuticals really became a thing.
Awful real estate images
Blog idea: Reasons my fan is sad
Awful real estate images
Let’s be optimistic. Maybe it’s chocolate cookie dough.
Awful real estate images
Winning a year’s supply of mineral water didn’t bring the unending happiness the Erwitts had hoped for.
Awful real estate images
No idea how many channels we have. We lost the remote in 2009.
Awful real estate images
Awful real estate images
If a deer is decapitated in an empty house and there’s no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Awful real estate images
This year, why not take some time to consider the unquestionable futility of existence?
Awful real estate images
Located just a short walk from literally the edge of the world.
Awful real estate images
Paranormal investigators release image of what they claim is a ghost having a bath.
In some cultures, a desire for privacy is seen as a sign of weakness.
It’s a tribute to my late wife, who used to dream of being a clumsily-drawn, questionably-shaped mermaid.
Found the perfect venue for that long lunch we’ve been talking about.
Coincidentally, these are the same wild horses that won’t stop me redecorating the second I move in.
Cursed to sleep for 100 years, only a kiss from a handsome real estate agent would break the spell.
Maybe this year we should get Daisy that Little Miss Exorcist kit she’s been asking for.
“Honey, I found the ladder! It was in the fitness studio that we also use as a utility room and study where we keep the musical instruments.”
Rex knew he only had 2 hours to stitch reality back together again before his owners got home.
Older men in their underpants require a well-ventilated space and regular watering.
Meet the asking price and exchange within 2 weeks, or the cat gets it.
Terrible property photos
“Thank god you came! I’ve been in here for weeks. They never even let me out into the yard anymore”.
Terrible property photos
This is fine, just as long as nobody has squeezed my toothpaste in the middle.
Terrible property photos
Finally, it was moving day, and Donna couldn’t have been more excited.
Terrible property photos
It reminds me of the traditional Armenian blessing: ‘May your crappy table always boast yellow carrots.’
Terrible property photos
Just as it had the great Mayan cities of Tikal and Calakmul, nature slowly reclaimed the Wilsons’ dining room.
Terrible property photos
Of the possible explanations available, very few have a happy ending.
Terrible property photos
Some Like It Horrible.
Terrible property photos
Dinner will be served in the garage, after which you’re welcome to join us in the shed for drinks.
Terrible property photos
In Greek mythology, Actaeon was transformed into a stag and condemned to live forever as a tasteless wall covering.
Terrible property photos
So it turns out the apocalypse already happened, but it was confined to this bathroom.
Terrible property photos
I think it’s too late for just air freshener. That looks quite established.
Terrible property photos
Lucy often thought back to her old bedroom, where she spent the happiest years of her life.
Terrible property photos
An interesting alternative to coffee and cigars.
Terrible property photos
Here’s a cross-eyed bedroom: the colour of evil.
Terrible property photos
“Oh Marv, I’ve never loved a sofa as I love you. Say you feel the same?”
Terrible property photos
No caption would do this listing justice.
Terrible property photos
Whether it’s high or drunk, there’s absolutely no excuse.
Terrible property photos
The Garden Chairs of Solitude Support Center has been running for 2 years now, providing abandoned plastic furniture with shelter and advice.

Photos cross-promoted from Terrible Real Estate Agent Photos.

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